She (layers like Earth Mama
hot magma (a warmer core
of water (fluid, not stagnant
(pouring forth like
an ever-giving Waterfall (but
no I don't want
to give (retracting back
into her shell (it's safe
in here, and comfortable (old
patterns playing across the walls
(like in a dungeon,I am trapped)
that close in like cops
cornering their kill) not moving,
getting fat and lazy) discarding
circles for an ugly square) disintegrating
into well howabout some dust) returning
to essence and back to the Mama)
there's Trees growing
(calm and strong (Ice avoids them)
and rocks too
-ing the layers (and layers)
dancing in the moon's shadow
furtive glances
there's something there
(she seems to stop
but there's
something
))
3 comments:
This is really interesting, this use of parentheses--I assume you're trying to show the layers you're talking about in the poem...really cool. I think they're used for more though too. What exactly? Who's "She?" Earth Mama? The lake? I guess I'm having a bit of trouble wrapping my head around everything going on in this. Great images though, in this poem. I like the parentheses around the bit with the dungeon. Again, I like that whole idea--wish I'd thought of it.
STEAL! STEAL THE IDEAS! That's what I do, as you probably well know.
haha.
OK--I also dig the parentheses.
There is so much going on in this poem that I am going to have to come back to it again. What I'm trying to figure out is if the poem is symmetrical--like a half a sentence on one end finishes on the other end of the poem...that probably doesn't make any sense, and as I'm looking at it, I don' think that's what you are doing. But now I am, because I think it's damn cool.
Anyway. Great images and words: I LOVE "retracting back into her shell" and "cops cornering their kill" and "circles for an ugly square". Yea...it's a flowy wispy lovely thing. I dig it.
Nice use of the "Mama" as well.
Mama is whoever you want her to be :)
Post a Comment