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OKay, so two bigger changes here--Tamarack mentioned that he didn't like the last line--("but I know it is still spinning")--it was too obvious, too literal. So I'm trying it without. I think I like it better--what do you think?
I guess I can see that. The last line didn't have the word "still" in it though. I think he's probably right though, we can figure out the earth spinning while we can't realize it thing without you pointing to it as much, but some of these other new things I'm not sure about. Like, it seems as though you don't want to let go of the word "spinning" and thus use it to describe the black hole. A black hole may spin, I'm not sure, but it doesn't necessarily come to mind immediately. Sucking, consuming, collapsing, devouring, all seem like better words, whereas spinning, I don't think, really adds to the idea of what a black hole does or what you're trying to say. Am I wrong? I may be. I'm also having a bit of trouble with the "empty dark" line, but don't know why at this point. I'll think on it. Sorry I was MIA for so long from the blog. Now that finals are over I'll hopefully be back on track.
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OKay, so two bigger changes here--Tamarack mentioned that he didn't like the last line--("but I know it is still spinning")--it was too obvious, too literal. So I'm trying it without. I think I like it better--what do you think?
I guess I can see that. The last line didn't have the word "still" in it though. I think he's probably right though, we can figure out the earth spinning while we can't realize it thing without you pointing to it as much, but some of these other new things I'm not sure about. Like, it seems as though you don't want to let go of the word "spinning" and thus use it to describe the black hole. A black hole may spin, I'm not sure, but it doesn't necessarily come to mind immediately. Sucking, consuming, collapsing, devouring, all seem like better words, whereas spinning, I don't think, really adds to the idea of what a black hole does or what you're trying to say. Am I wrong? I may be. I'm also having a bit of trouble with the "empty dark" line, but don't know why at this point. I'll think on it. Sorry I was MIA for so long from the blog. Now that finals are over I'll hopefully be back on track.
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